This parody was inspired by LOST Unlocked’s ” Locketober Special” episode, out this month. It’s a bit of a “love letter” to the man of faith ( and the man of science) played by Terry O’Quinn , based on the #1 hit from 1962, ” Johnny Angel” by Shelley Fabares from “The Donna Reed Show” .
(If you would like to listen to more LOST parodies, click here).
JOHNNY LOCKE
Johnny Locke… Johnny Locke… Johnny Locke… Johnny Locke
You’re a ” Hunter” to me
Johnny Locke..how I love him
He’s got something that I can’t resist
But that silver box revealed that he no longer exists
Johnny Locke… how I love him
My spine tingles when he throws those knives
Every time I think of him, I hope he somehow survives
I remember in that travel office
Found out he’s paralyzed with teardrops in my eyes
Other fellas might have just given in
But with an orange grin… real ” Walkabout” begins
For Johnny Locke… how I love him
And I pray that someday on t.v.
That together we will see him live his destiny
I remember in that homemade sweat lodge
He dreamed of Boone and bears and crawling up those stairs
Other fellas might have just run away
But he grabbed some hair spray and ran to save the day
Oh Johnny Locke… how I love him
And I pray that someday on t.v.
That together we will see him live his destiny
(Johnny Locke ) Johnny Locke (Johnny Locke) Johnny Locke ( Johnny Locke)
You’re a “Hunter” to me
(Johnny Locke ) Johnny Locke (Johnny Locke) Johnny Locke ( Johnny Locke)
You’re a “Hunter” to me
(Johnny Locke ) Johnny Locke (Johnny Locke) Johnny Locke ( Johnny Locke)
You’re a “Hunter” to me
This one’s going all the way back to when Ben wasn’t even Ben.
I’M HENRY GALE I AM
I’m Henry Gale, I Am
Henry Gale, I am, I am
Jennifer died, so a widower I be
So, please don’t sick Sayid on me
From Minnesota, I’m Henry ( Henry!)
Crashed in my balloon, so here I am ( Ka-blam!)
I am not an Other, I’m Henry
Henry Gale, I am
( Second verse…same as the first!)
I’m Henry Gale, I Am
Henry Gale, I am, I am
Jennifer died, so a widower I be
So, please don’t sick Sayid on me
From Minnesota, I’m Henry ( Henry!)
Crashed in my balloon, so here I am ( Ka-blam!)
I am not an Other, I’m Henry
Henry Gale, I am
So, Henry Gale, you are
Henry Gale, you are, you are
Followed your map right to the balloon
But Henry’s grave sang a different tune
This license proves you ain’t Henry ( Henry!)
Danielle caught an Other in her trap ( Oh, snap!)
No more milk for you, fake Henry
Henry Gale’s a sham
H-E-N-R-Y
Henry ( Henry! ) Henry (Henry!)
Henry Gale, I am, I am
Henry Gale, I am
I’m Henry Gale I Am
(Parody of the song “Henry the Eighth, I Am” by Herman’s Hermits {Murray/Weston, 1910, Revised by Herman’s Hermits, 1965 } New lyrics by Wendy Lincoln, 2007)
(If you would like to listen to more LOST parodies, click here).
I wrote this one a while ago… and yet it still applies. He’s holding a baby…but he can’t help Locke up (or is it that he won’t…for whatever reason) . Oh, I give up!
(Is Christian Shephard) Dead or Alive?
( IS CHRISTIAN SHEPHARD) DEAD OR ALIVE
It’s never the same
The story seems to change
Everyday, the plot’s increasing in strange
I saw him there, on the coroner’s slab, stone cold
But I saw he had no scars… and I saw that mobisode
I’m a fanboy and they’re messin’ with my mind
Is Christian Shephard dead or alive
Is Christian Shephard dead or alive
Sometimes Jack sleeps
Sometimes it’s not for days
Tried to grab his dad
But Christian turned the other way
You’d think the guy’d be dead
From all the bottles that he’d drink
But then, he’s callin’ Vincent
I don’t know what to think
I’m a fanboy and they’re messin’ with my mind
Is Christian Shephard dead or alive
Is Christian Shephard dead or alive
Jack spoke of him when he somehow made it back
Said he was upstairs..but he was OxyJack
But in Australia, after Christian had been fired
Jack also said ” He’s Chief of Surgery”
So is he dead or just retired.
I’m a fanboy and they’re messin’ with my mind
Is Christian Shephard dead or alive
I’m a fanboy and now my theories won’t align
Is Christian Shephard dead or alive
Is Christian Shephard dead or alive
Dead or alive
Dead or alive
Dead or alive
Dead or alive
Dead or alive
Dead or alive
(Is Christian Shephard) Dead or Alive mp3 (Parody of ” Wanted : Dead or Alive” by Bon Jovi, Written by Jon Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora, Album : “Slippery When Wet”, 1986, Mercury Records. New lyrics by Wendy Lincoln, 2008)
(If you would like to listen to more LOST parodies, click here).
This parody is based on the enigmatic Ms. Burke (played by Elizabeth Mitchell) and highlights the internal moral struggles of the Island’s fertility doc….that and I get to sing “Baby” quite a bit .
(If you would like to hear more parodies, you can find them in the Sidebar under ” Catagories: Lost Parodies)
The Juliet Song
I’m tough but I’m sappy
I’m smart but I’m shy
My sister’s not healthy YEAH!
I hide from my husband
I’m sane but I’m overwhelmed
I gave a male mouse a BABY
What it all comes down to
Is that everything’s gonna be fine, fine, fine
I’ve got one face lookin’ timid
And the other one’s sayin’ ” Get hit by a bus , Ed!”
I feel drunk but I’m sober
From Richard’s swell OrangeAid
I’m tired but I’m workin’ YEAH!
I guess I’m in Portland
I’m here but I’m really gone
I’m now gonna save some BABIES!
What it all comes down to
Is that everything’s gonna be quite alright.
I’ve got one face in my novel
And the other one’s talkin’ ’bout free will
What it all comes down to
Is that I haven’t got it all figured out just yet
I’ve got one face praising Benry
And the other one’s behind some cue card signs
I’m trapped but I’m focused
I’m green but I’m wise
Tryin’ hard not to steal Claire’s baby
I’m sad but I’m laughin’
I’m sweet but I’m devious
I helped Sun know it’s Jin’s BABY!
And what it all boils down to
Is that no one’s got me really figured out just yet
I’ve got one eye on The Others
And the other one’s watchin’ Jack play pianoooooooooooo
And what it all comes down to, my friends
Is that everything’s gonna be fine, fine, fine
I’ve got one face toward The Island
And the other one’s facing a helicopter
The Juliet Song.mp3 by Ms. Wendy (Parody of “Hand in My Pocket” by Alanis Morissette, 1995, Maverick Records
New Lyrics by Wendy Lincoln, 2008 )
Another big quandary amongst the many LOST podcasts, blogs and message boards: “Where did all the tarps come from?”. Not just a handful from possible plane cargo wreckage… but scads and scads of them! This is a parodical acknowledgement to their welcome , yet curiously overwhelming, presence.
(If you’d like to hear more LOST Parodies, click the link or find them under “LOST Parodies” under “Catergories” in the Blogroll)
TARPS
Jack laid alone on the jungle floor
Lookin’ around like he’d been there before
He ran to the beach, seeing a messed up plane
But my first thought was “What if it rains?”
There’s tarps! There’s tarps!
They’re watertight
There’s tarps! There’s tarps! There’s tarps!
They’re on this flight
Tarps are the Losties new best friends
Their usefulness, well, it never seems to end
Good for hidin’ all of Sawyer’s junk
Better than the caves or The Hatch’s cushy bunks
They’re tarps! They’re tarps!
They crunch alot
They’re tarps! They’re tarps! They’re tarps!
Shade when it’s hot
(Scream)
Taaaaaaaarps………………..TARPS!
Big and rectangular, in inordinate amounts
They’ve got so many, I think we’ve all lost count
One was taken by a boar to go campin’
They’re perfect for Island home design revampin’
They’re tarps! They’re tarps!
They’re really blue
They’re tarps! They’re tarps! They’re tarps!
Not parachutes
Was Oceanic thinkin’ ahead? I think so!
Did Oceanic leave ‘em for dead? I think so!
Was Oceanic thinkin’ ahead? I think so!
Now, excuse me. It’s gonna rain once again
Tarps.mp3 by Ms. Wendy (Parody of “Lump” by The Presidents of the United States,Songwriters: Ballew, Christopher Weldo; Dederer, David Michael; Finn, Jason S; Copyright 1995, Columbia Records. New lyrics by Wendy Lincoln, 2007)
” There are two types of people in this world…those who like Neil Diamond and those who don’t” ( Bob Wiley~ “What About Bob”)
I wrote this parody, in tribute, to the much spoken of “fact”, on various LOST podcasts , that our beloved Losties apparently really dig swimming with their jeans on.
As summer is winding down, I thought I’d finally put this song out there (and it’s pretty out there… )
WARNING : If you have an aversion to the effects of what happens when denim and salt water mix and/or disturbing ” interpretation” of a Neil Diamond vocalization (are there any other kind?) , turn back NOW!
(If you’d like to hear more LOST Parodies, click the link or find them under “LOST Parodies” under “Catergories” in the Blogroll)
SWIMMING IN BLUE JEANS
Stick like caulk
And chaffin’ so bad, I can barely walk
But if it worked for Sawyer and Charlie
I’d much rather be
Swimmin’ in blue jeans
Denim’s sweet
So I don’t care about the gravity
And like Des and Sayid
I’d like to stay pruney all day
Swimmin’ in blue jeans
Maybe tonight
Maybe tonight by the fire get my jeans nice and dry
But then the sound of the pounding surf
Calls me to dive
Stick like caulk
And fabric so tight that it hurts to cough
But if it worked for Sawyer and Charlie
I’d much rather be
Swimmin’ in blue jeans, babe
And denim’s sweet
So I don’t care it pinches in the seat
And like Des and Sayid
I’d like to stay pruney all day
Swimmin’ in blue jeans
Maybe tonight
Maybe tonight by the fire get my jeans nice and dry
But then the sound of the pounding surf
Calls me to dive
Skin like chalk
Wrinkled like the trenchcoat of Peter Falk
But if I wanna be like a Lostie
I guess I’ll just keep
Swimmin’ in blue jeans
And if you pardon me
Havin’ fun but…
My fly’s rusted shut
From swimmin’ in blue jeans, babe
Until I get some WD-40
I guess I’ll still be
Swimmin’ in blue jeans
(Parody of ” Forever in Blue Jeans ” By Neil Diamond {Neil Diamond, Richard Bennett, 1979 Stonebridge Music (ASCAP) } , New lyrics by Wendy Lincoln, 2008)
Here’s a little tune inspired by the Season 3 Jack-centric episode “Stranger in a Strange Land” . Unfortuately, this reveal about missing Oceanic stewardess/ Tailie Cindy was made in the commercials well in advance of the episode’s airing. (Eh, we all make mistakes.) But it still had the makings of a swell parody song of “Windy” by that mod supergroup of the 60’s, The Association. So, let’s fire up the Swan Hatch’s lava lamp and take a listen.
(If you’d like to hear more LOST Parodies, click the link or find them under “LOST Parodies” under “Catergories” in the Blogroll)
CINDY
Who’s peeking through the bars of Jack’s bear cage
And has a brain that’s lighter than air
Who looks like they’ve been ” Tastin’ the Rainbow”
Everyone knows it’s Cindy
Who’s trippin’ out on The Others’ Kool-Aid
Spent too much time in Room 23
Who’s here to watch you captured a moment
Everyone knows it’s Cindy
And Cindy has glassy eyes
Like she’s been lobotomized
And Cindy, she used to fly
But now she’s fried
She’s really fried
And Cindy has glassy eyes
Like she’s been lobotomized
And Cindy, she used to fly
But now she’s fried (She’s really fried)
Completely fried (Totally FRIED)
Who’s trippin’ out on The Other’s Kool-Aid
Spent too much time in Room 23
Who’s here to watch you captured a moment
Everyone knows it’s Cindy
Who’s trippin’ out on The Others’ Kool-Aid
Spent too much time in Room 23
Who’s here to watch you captured a moment
Everyone knows it’s Cindy
Who’s chuggin’ down on The Others’s Kool-Aid
Way too much time in Room 23
Who’s here to watch you captured a moment
Everyone knows it’s Cindy
<a href='http://www.ralfthedestroyer.com/wp-content/uploads/music/05_cindy.mp3
((Parody of “Windy” by The Association, Written by Ruthanne Friedman, Warner/Collector’s Choice, 1967: New Lyrics By Wendy Lincoln, 2007)
This is a song I wrote for our LATE VH1 has been turned hero, Charlie Hieronymus Pace. (And I freely admit, everytime I get to the “humble moth” part, I get a little “misty”)
(If you’d like to hear more LOST Parodies, click the link or find them under “LOST Parodies” under “Catergories” in the Blogroll)
ROCK STAR
Somebody named Naomi, at least that’s what she told me
Said all on Flight 815 were dead
She was lookin’ quite distressed with a tree branch through her chest
And big beads of sweat on her forehead
Well, the flashes keep comin’. They won’t stop comin’.
Des says it’s cool so I hit the jungle runnin’
Doesn’t make sense not to go with Jin and Hurley and Des to go campin’
So much to do, so much to see.
Worth the trip watchin’ Jin scare Hurley
First lightnin’ then an undertow
Now almost shot with an arrow
Hey now, I’m a big star and my name’s Charlie Pace
Hey now, I’m a rock star. I’m in Drive Shaft, play bass
Our first single went gold
“You All Everybody” really sold
It’s a cool place helpin’ Aaron and Claire
But I’d have to die to get um’ outta here
That 16 year loop message fixture
Keeps us from gettin’ a satellite picture
The Others approach, time’s gettin’ pretty slim
To stop the block, I’ll do a suicide swim
I did set fire to the camp
So not much concerned if I get a little damp
Hey now, I’m a big star and my name’s Charlie Pace
Hey now, I’m a rock star. I’m in Drive Shaft, play bass
Our first single went gold
“You All Everybody” really sold
( “Guys, where are we” 4x’s)
Hey now, I’m a big star and my name’s Charlie Pace
Hey now, I’m a rock star. I’m in Drive Shaft, play bass
Our first single went gold
“You All Everybody” …
Somebody once asked if my inner change would last
Even though there was some stash in this place
I said “Yep!” What a concept
From a junkie and a little inept
To a family man is quite strange
Well, it started with a mother who wanted peanut butter
Ends makin’ friends with Des, my brutha!
Didn’t make sense tryin’ to run from fate
In my case, swim out, before it’s too late
Good thing I had my Sharpie
Gave a message to Des from Penny
Sometimes you just never know
The humble moth is a hero! (Hey, Hey Now!)
Hey now, I’m a big star and my name’s Charlie Pace
Hey now, I’m a rock star. I’m in Drive Shaft, play bass
Our first single went gold
“You All Everybody” really sold
Remember Hugo, “Stay Gold.”
“You All Everybody” really sold.
Rock Star
(Parody of the song “Allstar” by Smashmouth {Interscope, 1999} New lyrics by Wendy Lincoln, 2007)
As we are just mere hours away from Parts 2 and 3 of the finale (along with extra goodies in a replaying of Part 1), I’ve decided to post another LOST parody. This one is called “Me and You, Jin and Sawyer Too”, a parody of that groovy pop classic, “Me and You and a Dog Named Boo” by Lobo. It was written from the perspective of good ol’ fun time Hurley and his stumbling upon a rusted out VW….sorry, Dharma van.
(If you’d like to hear more LOST Parodies, click the link or find them under “LOST Parodies” under “Catergories” in the Blogroll)
ME AND YOU, JIN AND SAWYER TOO
I remember to this day
When I slapped you in your face
How Desmond could be wrong
And we should “Seize the Day”
Will power made that old van go
Or was it skunky beer, I don’t know
Oh, how I wish we were back on that hill again
Me and you, Jin and Sawyer too
Tempting fate in that Dharma van
Me and you, Jin and Sawyer too
And that dude, Roger Workman
I can still recall
How that V Dub sure was stalled
And how we kept on workin’
Despite the Red Neck Man
So, then Sawyer took ol’ Jin to school
He taught him English phrases, that was cool
I’m sure Sun will like to hear
She don’t look fat in those pants
Me and you, Jin and Sawyer too
Tempting fate in that Dharma van
Me and you, Jin and Sawyer too
And that dude, Roger Workman
I’ll never forget that day
You told me, basically, “Go away!”
That I was too big for the boat
Dude, that caused me such pain
But I guess fate won the last round
Cuz to save us, Dude, well you drowned
Just wish you were “shotgun”
Plowin’ The Others with that van!
Me and you, Jin and Sawyer too
Drivin’ ’round in that Dharma van
Me and you, Jin and Sawyer too
And that dude, Roger Workman
Me and you, Jin and Sawyer too
Doin’ donuts in that hippie van
Me and you, Jin and Sawyer too
And that dude, Roger Workman
Me and you, Jin and Sawyer too
Tempting fate in that Dharma van
Me and you, Jin and Sawyer too
And that dude, Roger Workman
Well, here we are a little over a week away from the LOST finale. So, I’m slapping out another parody to help fill the time.
This one is dedicated to Darlton’s geographical fixation called “Goin’ to Tallahassee”, a parody of the song “Going Up the Country” by Canned Heat. I got the idea for it when listening to Josh and Amanda on the LOST Flashbacks during the hiatus. They said the phrase “going to Tallahassee” a few times while reviewing a vintage episode, and it got the ol’ wheels turnin’ in my head. (P.S. Thanks LOST Flashbacks for helping us get through “the dry season” ) (you can also find them on the LOST Podcasting Network)
Please forgive the vocals but in trying to ” capture the essense” of the original, it’s sounds more like the Kermit the Frog version.
(If you’d like to hear more LOST Parodies, click the link or find them under “LOST Parodies” under “Catergories” in the Blogroll)
GOIN’ TO TALLAHASSEE
I’m goin’ to Tallahassee, that’s where I’m gonna go
I’m goin’ to Tallahassee, that’s where I’m gonna go
I’m goin’ to some place where Sawyer’s been before
I’m goin’, I’m goin’ to get the guy who broke Locke’s spine
Well, I’m gonna get the guy who broke Locke’s spine
Gonna shop at strip malls and eat waffles all the time
I’m goin’ where that pretty Kate tried to get away
I’m goin’ where that pretty Kate tried to get away
After fussin’ and fightin’, no bus to Tallahassee for Kate
Now, Richard, pack your submarine, you know you’ve got to leave today
Just exactly where you’re goin’, Ben can’t say
But you’ve got to be in the Sunshine State
Cuz there’s a brand new game that Benny wants to play
No use in you runnin’ or screamin’ and cryin’
Cuz John Locke’s box is where you are confined
Goin To Tallahassee MP3 (Parody of “Going Up the Country” by Canned Heat { Alan Wilson, Atlantic Records, 1969}
New lyrics by Wendy Lincoln, 2007)
This is a parody I wrote about everyone’s favorite irritable raft builder turned trigger happy Pappy, Michael Dawson. Welcome back, Michael…um..no..Kevin….ah, ….Harold Perrineau!
(If you’d like to hear more LOST Parodies, click the link or find them under “LOST Parodies” under “Catergories” in the Blogroll)
STUCK IN THE MIDDLE WITH KLUGH
Well, I’ve sat here in this grass hut all night
I got a feeling somethin’ just ain’t right
I got scared to see my boy standing there
In three minutes, gonna take him from here
Walt to the left of me , Others to the right
Here I am, stuck in the middle with Klugh
Yes, I’m stuck in the middle with Klugh
Her ambiguious questions hit me “1-2″!
It’s so hard to have to betray my friends
But to get Walt, I’ll have to kill to get Ben
Walt to the left of me, Others to the right
Here I am, stuck in the middle with Klugh
Well, they’re makin’ Walt take tests and Klugh spoke of a secret room
They’re my friends, but it’s not my fault
I just got tired of screamin’ ” WAAAAALT!” “WAAAALT!”
Well, I’m tryin’ to make some sense of it all
Shootin’ Ana and Libby, right down the hall
It’s not cool cleanin’ their blood of the floor
And that Eko’s talkin’ devil dog lore
But there was Walt to the left of me and the Others to the right
There I was stuck in the middle with Klugh (Yeah!)
Well, they’re makin’ Walt take tests and Klugh spoke of a secret room
They’re my friends, but it’s not my fault
I just got tired of screamin’ “WAAAAAALT!” “WAAAAALT!”
It was wrong, killin’ those ladies that night
And help kidnap these four probably ain’t right
But, hey Guys, you can play football out there
And for Kate, there is some nice summerwear
Conscience to the left of me, rescue to the right
Here I am, stuck in the middle with Klugh
Yes, I’m stuck in the middle with Klugh
Well, I’m stuck in the middle with Klugh
Stuck in the middle with Klugh
Stuck in the Middle with Klugh MP3 Parody of “Stuck in the Middle with You” by Stealers Wheel ( Joe Egan/ Gerry Rafferty, 1972, A & M Records) New lyrics by Wendy Lincoln, 2007
This is one of the first LOST parody songs that I wrote. It is about the devious yet congenial Benjamin Linus. It is a parody of “Betty Davis Eyes” , a number one eighties jam by the smoky throated Kim Carnes. (Most of my parodies are retro, for I am of a certain age).
I would like to stress that I think Michael Emerson has been a crazy awesome addition to LOST. And the ONLY reason that I felt free to write a song like this is that “Bug Eye” is part of the canon of the show (And …it is kinda funny, in a “Sawyer” sort of way).
(If you’d like to hear more LOST Parodies, click the link or find them under “LOST Parodies” under “Catergories” in the Blogroll)
BUGGY WUGGY EYES
His hair is neatly combed
His lips tell truthful lies
He likes his chicken cold
He’s got buggy wuggy eyes
He’ll turn his manners on you
You might mistake as nice
His bunny’s white as snow
He’s got buggy wuggy eyes
And he’ll banter about hamsters
And his island life is pampered
He’s malicious
But he knows how to make a beach brunch that’s delicious
He’s got Steve Buscemi’s ocular size
He’s got buggy wuggy eyes
He says you can go home
If that’s what will suffice
Oh no! The submarine’s blown
He’s got buggy wuggy eyes
He’ll stick a needle in you
With a pacemaker device
Oops! Sorry, that’s not true
He’s got buggy wuggy eyes
He’s a liar, pants on fire
Hangin’ from a telephone wire
He’s atrocious
And I’ll bet he is the one who took Claire’s hairbrush
Sayid said that he was a spy
He’s got buggy wuggy eyes
And he’ll banter about hamsters
And his island life is pampered
He’s malicious
But he knows how to make a beach brunch that’s delicious
He’s got Steve Buscemi’s ocular size
He’s got buggy wuggy eyes
And he’ll banter about hamsters
He’s pampered
He’s got buggy wuggy eyes
He’s a liar
Pants on fire
Telephone wire
He’s got buggy wuggy eyes
